Honesty

Being honest is hard. Trust me, i know. People make up lies and pretend so they will be accepted. No matter who the hell they are. Nice, mean, boy, girl. They lie. Lie is such a strong word. Maybe people rarely being honest with each other. I admit that i lie. I lie to my parents. I lie to my friends that im fine. I lie that im not hungry. I lie that i don't like that boy. I dont enjoy it, but im doing this cuz it makes me feel safe so no one would know how i feel. I would like to keep my feelings to myself. But now, i see a lot of different people. People who are nice and mean. People who i trust and don't. People who i like and hate. I learn to be honest. Cuz for me, being honest is important. With honesty people will knw the truth about you. Common, would you rather sit with that person and describe everything about you for hours? Honestly i lie a lot. But now i just don't feel like lying. Its tiring. I still lie but im trying my ass off to be honest. Im being honest with the one that i love. Im honest with friends. Truth describe everything i think. But sometimes the truth make everything seems like a lie. I gotta tell you. It hurts like hell to know something that you wish you didn't hear it. Truth can be hurtful but i rather being hurt than living with lies. At least you'd learn something. I am happy if people accept my honesty. So far its going good. Its been a while since i think about this. There's a few of people who inspired me to be honest and nice. Im not a nice girl but at least im trying to be honest. I try not to hurt people's feelings but unless they hurt mine, i will hurt theirs. This blog is boring. I know -.- there is SO much more i need to say but im tired. Im doing this because im about to go to bed. Its 9.13 and yes i knw its early, but im tired and i just wanna do something before i sleep. Who knows i wont be awake tomorrow. Let me get this straight. I love life. I love the world i live in but some people would just like to fucked that up and that makes me mad. Cuz i love life and i'll do whatever to keep my smile. Sorry for the lame uninspired blog. I'll try to better. Im tired and i cant think. So this is just what i can let out.

ANNOYED

Yes, I feel annoyed by everyone right now -.- And yes, I have a lot of problems right now. I hate my Family, i hate my life, I hate the air i breath and I hate this fucking bitch hot weather. I get annoyed easily. Everything that i ''hope'' for, ruined. Its like everything i do, doesn't seems to work. I am moody. I've been moody since past week. But its ok. Im used to it. Its sad right that you can say something like ''im used to it'' because the same shit always happened to you and you never fucking bother to change it. Honestly i am fine with it. I like being miserable. Maybe its because i like to cry. Yes, i cry all the time. Fuck it. Crying makes me feel good. After i cry i go online and hear some loud song and dance to it. But right now all i can say is my MOM AND WHOLE FAMILY is fucking annoying. Except my brother. I really really wanna go out. Not to enjoy but to go somewhere where no one yelled at me all the fucking time im home. Kutuk my way of speaking english. Or even bother to know weather i did my homework or not. I fucking study ok. I just don't want to show you like a fucking pretender. The only moment that im truly happy is at tuition. Im happy learning and laughing like a retarded. Seriously we laugh like there's no tomorrow. Its was loud and honest. There's my amazing teacher I've ever had, Cikgu fizam. Erin Izzati and Nabilah kamarzman and Ruzain. I love this people so much. Before we start our lesson we will bought something like food so we all can eat. I love the way we share our moment, we talked and laughed with each other. It was a pure honestly. So that was the only time i didn't felt any annoyance by people around me. I don't knw. I just feel annoyed by everything. Maybe it won't last. Maybe it will. Oh god. I just wanna go away for a while. Alone. I just need to think :'( Let me think peacefully. Please mama don't shout or judge me. Please friends don't ignore me. Please boy, don't hurt me :( Im just a girl. Sometimes people notice me, sometimes they don't. I don't care being invisible but i don't want to be invisible in front of someone that i care. See, its tired you know caring about someone who doesn't care about you. I should stop cuz this is waaaay too long and most of them is about my feelings. See how annoying is that. If someone ask me to read their blog full with emo shit and feelings, i would be annoyed. See, told cha i get annoyed easily :)